Slow Me Down
by LV-chan
Summary: Just a songfic I needed to write. My thoughts on what goes through Bella's mind on a certain ride to a certain place in order to get a certain thing done ; Better than it sounds, I promise!


**A/N - I was listening to this song, and I decided that I had to write this and get the visual out on paper. Or screen. Whatever. Regardless, this was the end product. I don't really like it; it didn't come out as well as I thought it would. I dunno, I still think it's kinda jumbled and doesn't really make sense. What do you think? (Note the crafty begging for reviews!) Hopefully it's not so chaotic that it's undiscernable what it's describing. **

**The song is Slow Me Down, to anyone that wants to know. Check it out! It's a very good song. The only way I can describe it is like getting hit with a mist of Jasper's calming influence. That's how I feel when I listen to it, at least.**

**Disclaimer - I am not Stephenie Meyer, and I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, or any of the fantastic characters within them.**

_Rushing and racing_

_and running in circles_

_Moving so fast, I'm forgetting my purpose_

_Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning_

_Getting nowhere_

The car went so much faster than I wanted it to. Wasn't the speed limit 25? What was she doing? As if she could read my mind –ha, I thought- she flashed me a smile that I supposed was meant to calm down. I was annoyed. It wasn't as if nervousness was an irrational response at this point.

_My head and my heart are colliding, chaotic_

_Pace of the world_

_I just wish I could stop it_

_Try to appear like I've got it together_

_I'm falling apart_

I looked out the windows, ingraining the endless trees, always trees, in my mind as they whirred past me in the too-fast car. No… they were coming. I felt the corners of my eyes sting and the ever-present lump in throat grew until I could ignore it no longer. Twin tears slowly made their way down my cheeks. My makeshift chauffeur looked back, shooting me a sad, quizzical look. I merely shook my head, unable to speak.

_Save me_

_Somebody take my hand, and lead me_

_Slow me down_

_Don't let love pass me by_

_Just show me how_

_'Cause I'm ready to fall_

_Slow me down_

_Don't let me live a lie_

_Before my life flies by_

_I need you to slow me down_

What if this was… wrong? As much as I had protested it and made a fuss, I knew that, deep down, it felt right. I wondered why now, of all times, this was happening. Clones of my tears formed at once, following their siblings down the trail of my face. I squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to cease them and was hit with a blast of intuition. I wouldn't come to terms with this through anticipation. I resisted the urge to cry out loud. I thought I was past this!

She looked back again, increasingly worried. I turned my head away and looked out the window again, catching a ghost of my reflection. Butterflies erupted in my stomach once more.

_Sometimes I fear that I might disappear_

_In the blur of fast forward I falter again_

_Forgetting to breathe, I need to sleep_

_I'm getting nowhere_

All that mental planning, all that stress and worry… all in vain, to know that even know I still wasn't prepared for it. And that I wouldn't be until the second it was being done.

Where had the morning gone? The early afternoon? The day had passed in a whirlwind of sights and sound. Shouldn't I have taken more notice? Another fleeting glance at my reflection. Another stab of fear right to my already accelerated heart. It didn't matter how many times I had been talked out if it, I knew that I wasn't –and wouldn't be- good enough for this. I would see him and the sadness that welled up just at the 

thought of our faux-pas fairytale picture would intensify worse than it ever had before. I would be… ordinary. And he wouldn't be.

_All that I've missed I see in the reflection_

_Passed me while I wasn't paying attention_

_Tired of rushing, racing and running_

_I'm falling apart_

I glanced at the clock in the front – where had the minutes gone? I had no more time to run. To escape. To worry needlessly. Where had the hours gone?! The tears came back, this time from temper. It was irrational and childish, but I wanted time to stop. Just for a little. Just until I figured all this out, like I thought I had.

_Tell me_

_Oh won't you take my hand and lead me_

_Slow me down_

_Don't let love pass me by _

_Just show me how_

_'Cause I'm ready to fall_

_Slow me down_

_Don't let me live a lie_

_Before my life flies by_

_I need you to slow me down_

We were there. She was at my door before I had registered the car was off, pulling the door open for me. I got out carefully, cautiously. She scrutinized me from head to toe, nodding slightly to herself. A smile spread on her perfect lips. My head was spinning as I looked forward at the people… I searched and searched, in vain. Of course. He wouldn't be there early. It was improper. She led me away to the accursed room, expensive makeup in her hand, which moved in a blur as it vainly tried to beautify me. I tried to smile, for her at least.

_Just show me_

_I need you to slow me down_

The music had started. I turned the corner, glancing at my father and noting with surprise earnest smile on his face. And the wonder. His breath became choked as he took my arm. We wordlessly understood each other. He was proud of me, and sad. He didn't want to see me go. I was sad, too. I didn't want to leave him. I would miss him. We turned the corner, and I finally saw… _him._

_The noise of the world is getting me caught up_

_Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it_

_Just need to breathe, somebody please_

A million emotions flew through me without my permission. I fought the stinging in my eyes. His own never left my face, my eyes. I waited for the unbearable sadness to crash over me at his beauty and my normalcy, but nothing came. I looked even deeper into his eyes – there was only love there. Unmasked and brilliant, it flooded his eyes along with a sense of completion I had never seen before. He was whole. As was I. Time didn't need to stop, not for us. We had each other, and I knew that we would never be parted. Not in life, not in death. We would be together for so much more than life.

He took my hand then, his eyes shifting for the briefest of seconds to meet my father's. The exchange was so final, so much more than my father knew. All my fears and doubts were quelled the moment his eyes returned to mine. We finally reached our destination. I looked over at everyone there… my mother, my father, my stepfather, my new family… the empty seat where my best friend would have sat. The sadness did not return. As I gazed back into his eyes again, I knew that I had made the right choice without even 

the ghost of a doubt. I would never be able to stop loving him. And it suddenly didn't matter that he was so much better than me, because it just would not and could not make sense unless we stood here, side by side, ready to face our futures together.

_Slow me down_

"I'm ready," I whispered.

**A/N - What did you guys think? Horrible or good? Please don't be afraid to leave me constructive criticism, either! ((Note - THAT DOES NOT MEAN FLAMES.)) I would love some advice in order to help me become a better writer. **

**LV-chan**


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